Acuz' I'm supposed to.  De-lurking and posting this for my grrl.

1. Your Middle Name:
2. Age:
3. Single or Taken:
4. Favorite Movie:
5. Favorite Song or Album:
6. Favorite Band/Artist:
7. Dirty or Clean:
8. Tattoos and/or Piercings:
9. Do we know each other outside of LJ?
10. What's your philosophy on life?
11. Is the bottle half-full or half-empty?
12. Would you keep a secret from me if you thought it was in my best interest?
13. What is your favorite memory of us?
14. What is your favorite guilty pleasure?
15. Tell me one odd/interesting fact about you:
16. You can have three wishes (for yourself, so forget all the 'world peace etc' malarky) - what are they?
17. Can we get together and make a cake?
18. Which country is your spiritual home?
19. What is your big weakness?
20. Do you think I'm a good person?
21. What was your best/favorite subject at school?
22. Describe your accent:
23. If you could change anything about me, would you?
24. What do you wear to sleep?
25. Trousers or skirts?
26. Cigarettes or alcohol?
27. If I only had one day to live, what would we do together? (If you have no idea, just say something crazy, it'll entertain me!)
28. Will you repost this so I can fill it out for you?

 

So lately I have been away from life altogether for a crazy-long amount of time.

 

This is because we are moving, and there is all sorts of stress involved as well as monetary problems and other BS that I think would never suit to get into.  Because that would take way too long and be melodramatic.

 

SO INSTEAD.

 

I give you the OFFICIAL ELUURI WISHLIST OF DOOOOOM

Current Location: Still in the Cardboard Box. Only a few more days.
Current Mood: amused
Current Music: Change the World - Inuyasha First Season Theme

 

1.       Concept.

2.       Realize you have no concept. Begin to panic.

3.       Sob to Jamie you have no concept. OMFG you are a void of creative muck, you are worthless and can think of nothing.

4.       Receive helpful advice which has absolutely no relevance to the situation at hand.

5.       End up talking about vampires for about forty-five minutes.

6.       Not concerned with this, because it was delusional fun and you have an IDEA!

7.       Write down idea.

8.       Begin to imagine the dealings of this idea… What else happens? What would it look like?

9.       Stress about how you are going to draw this. It’s going to suck. You suck. Why are you doing this? Give up and do something else.

10.   Come back and draw boxes on your pre-lined comic pages, because there is nothing on TV, and nothing to read.

11.   Sketch the skeletal stage of the work- figure out where the characters go, and how to pose them. 

12.   Whine to Jamie that this is hard.

13.   Receive further helpful but irrelevant advice. 

14.   Consider that perhaps you should drink more fluids… Exercise, and consume two bottles of water. 

15.   Realize you have an idea for another (insert number) of pages! Skeletal sketch them  too.

16.   Curse yourself for developing another mass of work.

17.   Flesh out the details of the panels, actually drawing expressions, clothing, and maybe BSing some backgrounds. 

18.   Admire your work, feeling pleased, and realizing this may be the best the SOB will ever look.

19.   Make the first ink-mark.

20.   Take a moment to sob hysterically over having ruined another of your works with pen. WHY do you ALWAYS do this?! You know the results! WHY?!

21.   Ink-set one. The quick- ‘look I made the lines black. Really’ step.  It looks like absolute crap, and your pens bleed. 

22.   Decide you need new pens. Copics. Like fucking nao.

23.   Waste some time because your wrist hates you now, and you don’t want to so much as LOOK at the panels.

24.   Complain to Jamie again, tell her this stuff looks like shit. Receive compliments and praise that somehow don’t make you feel better about the work, but gets you to smile anyway.

25.   Ink it again so the lines look (Sortof) smooth. Maybe go all out and erase the pencil. If you want to.

26.   In erasing- bend or crimp a page. Proceed to go hysterical over that.

27.   Scan pages.  Bitch about how mfing long it takes to do so.

28.   Adjust levels so image is clean and solid B/W

29.   Re-draw all the boxes on a new layer so they have solid line-work. Erase the old ones. There may be nothing to save the rest, but goddamn if you can’t make nice boxes.

30.   Slap on some tones.  You don’t really know what you’re doing, but you can always pretend.

31.   Realize halfway through you have done something on the wrong layer.  Start over.

32.   Add the text balloons and argue with how you want all that to look for a good thirty minutes or so.

33.   Examine finished work, see no apparent flaws. Be delighted!

34.   Iraneko points out something you should fix.

35.   Sulk a lot.

36.   Fix it anyway.

37.   Let it lay around for a few months, and show it only to Dani, Jamie, Ira, and Cher.  Realize the rest of the world doesn’t care, so don’t feel bothered about it.

38.   Update the Liaison web-site.

39.   Remember that you drew this stuff about four months ago. Pretend it won’t look awkward when you spontaneously upload (number) pages to DeviantArt with no warning.

40.   Remember you still have no ending for this fucking thing.

41.   Cry to Jamie.

42.   Repeat steps 1-41.

Current Location: In Artistic Hell
Current Mood: amused
Current Music: The Chipmunks Song

 

I’d been feeling very poorly about my artistic talents as of late…  I haven’t written for my fandoms in about a year due to some merciless quelling of my inner knowledge that I can write, and like-wise my RP-savvy has been less than…well…savvy.

 

Actually it’s been like trying to hit a dead horse with a large rock to make it get up and go.

 

It just ain’t happenen. 

 

So every once and a while the bug strikes and my inner muse wakes up and says OH. YEAH. Right! I forgot the artistic thing. Lemme do that.   This is usually when I get to spontaneously do something for a couple hours and it actually proves entertaining.

 

Surprisingly, Mie.  Though I am your muse- my own is defective. Or very lazy.

 

I have also been quite disappointed in my less than l33t skillz as an artist.  The new staff on MML is growing, they kick my crap to the ground and cause my non-existent balls to shrivel up while I seek a proper corner to go and lick my wounds in. 

 

I have a 30 page doujin no-one gives a rats ass about—okay. So YOU give a rats ass, Ira.  But you know what I mean.  No problem- it’s a cracked out piece of shit that really doesn’t make any grand scale attempts at artistry anyhow.

 

In this epic downward spiral- I’ve also realized that the insane people who actually commission me are SO not getting their monies worth, so I closed off all orders. 90% of this is because I don’t have photoshop. The other 10% is just because I fucking suck.

 

Sometimes. I manage to get something to look right, or ok, or cute.

 

But Spirit bitches all my people look alike.

 

Well duh.

 

You can’t fucking tell Shuichi-from-Tohma-from…whoever else has short hair and no boobs anymore. –but that isn’t the point. It’s just some inane style.   Anyway.  My faith in my creative self has been very slim, if existing at all. To the point where I don’t ever bother uploading things for weeks because I am well aware that NOBODY cares, and though it would make me a ball of angst to complain about it I would rather not care.

 

Being sick as hell for the last week and a half has not helped to encourage the whole idea of my place in the world.

 

I want to be a doujin-ka. A manga-ka. Whatever you know? Somewhere in my brain I know that if I actually had half the talent I used to imagine I had, I could make it. Then reality hits and reminds me that I suck, and will continue to do so.

 

So when my muse woke up this morning at 7 after having had no sleep all night and said ‘Oh yeah! We were gonna draw Seguchi in that outfit you’ve been daydreaming of, weren’t we?’   I think I told her to stfu.

 

And in all her great bunny-wisdom she was like ‘Nono, it’ll be great. We’ll put the white-Kuma from the ‘Innocence’ video in there too. C’Moooon. You know you want to.’

 

In all my arguments and protests I still crawled out of bed to shed the proverbial creative blood for my cruel mistress.

 

I think I have made an amazing discovery today, in the shedding of this figurative blood, and the delusional grandeur of early mornings and freezing cold temperatures.   Now don’t laugh.

 

Really.  Don’t laugh.

 

I’m serious about this now…

 

Apparently,

 

I can draw.

Current Mood: thoughtful
Current Music: Sexy Vampire

 

Well, I wish LJ would stop trying to tell me I haven’t written a journal entry for one.

 

After living under the restraints of a desktop and being unable to move for ages, I have finally obtained a LAPTOP.  But not just any laptop- the LAPTOP OF THE GODS.

 

So Nana helps  me out, and buys this thing…Fancy snappy 15-something screen, blah-blah specs, ect, ect. And you know what? It’s PINK. That’s right. $50 friggin dollars to make it pink.  But I had to do it, I mean… Can you imagine? And it’s not like I’ll get a different one in the next FIVE YEARS.  So!  Pink it was. ANDAND! It will have a case that matches! And a case for the mouse that matches that also matches the case!

 

XD

This is all relevant, I swear.

 

Okay, so now I have my laptop, and Kaguya is a beautiful thing, let me tell you that.  She has MSWord. MS. Fucking. Word. You don’t know what sort of happy-spine-chills that gives a gal like me.  Weird I know, but I damn well cried when the trial ran out for it on Sakano.  YOU try writing in MSWord and then switching to MFing WPerfect12 again.

 

It SUCKS.

 

Anyhow.

Sakano was fully equipped in Japanese. His keyboard? A J/E baby I got from good old J-list.  Now when I got this darling, I had a hell of a time with it on Moira, my old Inspiron 1500- may she rest in peace- because it wouldn’t read correctly.

 

Now this thing is neat as hell because it has these buttons for kana and you just type on. Very cool. – Problem is it needs a driver.  Wasn’t a big, I found it after a week of bitching with windows and whatnot, searching the web.

 

Now comes Kaguya.  She’s got Vista, which is FUCKED UP, let me tell you that. Actually right now I’m wondering where my nifty little thing is that tells me the weather and shit… Hope I didn’t delete it.  So Vista isn’t like XP, you don’t have  to install language packs, because it’s all right there.

 

Except for the KB-recognition.

 

That involved a ‘OHFUCK’ because my copied driver DOESN’T WORK FOR VISTA.

 

Panic.

Ok, so I google it. No dice.  Google it twelve times, all variations until finally I hit gold, and Microsoft tells me what’s wrong. What is wrong? – They’re dumbasses that can’t recognize a 106. SO what do you do to fix it? 

 

You gotta alter the whole fucking system, using a dozen steps to create all sorts of Strings and weird ass stuff that I don’t really understand.  OK. Not too complicated, they give you instructions!

Keep in mind this is an hour after I had fucked around with the ‘Language Settings and Resources’ forever.

 

Set it all up and—IT WORKS! …It works…on…the…wrong keyboard.

 

Not the USB KB, no. The in-unit 102 keyboard.

 

Bloody fuckin brilliant. 

 

Dani has a good laugh while I panic over losing my @ key.-- The at key! NO! Not alt, at! Like the big swirly A key!— So I have a Japanese KB that reads as English, and an English KB that reads as Japanese, and NITHER ONE IS LETTING ME INPUT KANA ANYHOW.    Finally after doing this BS for another hour of undoing, redoing, adjusting settings, deleting, I get it to work right again. Great!

Screw it. Screw it. I went to bed.

 

Okay, actually we went for icecream, and THEN bed.

 

Anyway.  5AM, I wake up, and in some zombie like state I sit down, turn on the laptop—I don’t even have my glasses at this point because we’re re-arranging the apartment and I took them off and lost them when I went to bed, it’s early, I don’t want to wake people—Or the cat.

 

And I fixed it.

 

I fixed it, it recognizes the 106 keys, my @ key is back. It still wants to tell me that the in-board unit has 106 keys, but I don’t fucking care because I can do this はあい!

 

It’s great!

 

Only…

 

I don’t have the slightest idea how the hell I did it.

Current Mood: confused

So first and foremost, this is a new LJ...

Why?

Eeh... A lot to do with the desperate wish to have some sort of clean slate, and turning to a new chapter in life, wanting to get the HELL away from the weird ass shit in my other journal that makes me wonder how I managed to be so... really fucked up.

Although, I suppose that can be answered easily enough, SO! Let’s start off with the latest in the world of luck and disarray, shall we?

I woke up the other day, and apparently had the sudden dawning that in this new age of mine, beyond the ‘teenage’ years, beyond the ‘child’, and not quite to the mid-life crisis... I will now, from this point on be a crystal toting hippie. 

Current Mood: curious
Current Music: Ti Na Server, Ya Na Ug- Verka Serduchka